Zani,

I couldn’t tell you everything in person, so I have to write it here. It is not reaching you directly, and yet it is meant for you.

I believe that in life we can have many loves, not just one. But what hurts me most right now is knowing that in one lifetime we can only have one dog, and you were mine. We will love, care, and grow attached again, but only once does that connection between a dog and a human come into being, and in this life, once is enough. That two beings of different species can recognize one another and become kindred souls is hard to explain to someone who has never lived it.

It is hard to explain that I never had to tell you what was happening to me, because you already knew. It is hard to explain that whenever I was about to do something reckless, you would run after me, because you knew there was some pain there and that you had to follow it through. It is hard to explain such a bond between two different species, but we had it.

The night before you came, I wished for you, and the next day you appeared, as if we had manifested each other. I knew you for fourteen years, and your only flaw was that you ran out of lives, though so many times they saved you, and I saved you too, when I thought you had drowned. We called you Mephistopheles, and truly, you were a demon, a magical dog. I do not know a dog who had as many lives as you did, or who survived everything you survived. And all of Budva knew you. The only thing you lacked was more lives. You had used them all up.

You were my dog, and I was your person, and twice in one life is too much to feel this kind of pain. And I would write more if I could, but I cannot bear more heartbreak. Forgive me for that.